I went through the typical stages a person goes through when confronted with a stressful situation.
Denial: When I first heard about the disease last January, my reaction was: "So, it's just another virus-self limiting. Why should I worry?" Even when I heard that it has spread through other countries, I reassured myself that it will not survive the heat of the country. It will just be like SARS-COV 1, it died a natural death.
Anger: Last March, the reality of the pandemic sank in with the death of a colleague. I got so angry at no one in particular. I got irritated with the people who don't wear masks. I got angry with the politicians for not following protocols, for downplaying the situation. I am angry that the planned trips this year had to be cancelled.
Bargaining: I was pleading God to help me survive this pandemic telling Him of the people who are depending on me.
Depression: I started feeling this when several of my patients died because of probable covid, because of the typical symptoms, but the results were negative. And then I became more depressed when the number of cases in Cebu continued to rise and I heard more news of friends or relatives of friends who succumbed to the disease. I would wake up at around 3 am with palpitations and sweating profusely. Every now and then I still panic attacks manifesting as difficulty in breathing and palpitations even though I was not thinking about the pandemic.
Acceptance: I don't think I have reached this stage yet. I am still mid-way between depression and acceptance. In a way I have accepted the situation and that I cannot be forever live in fear that I might get the disease.
I tried to be optimistic about the entire situation. I have been very good in hiding it from my family and from my patient since they relied on me for support.
